Marriage Advice from the Voice of Experience

Mike: Marriage is really just a series of blackmails and mutually-assured-destruction treaties.
Me: *sniff* That's beautiful. Can you cross-stitch that for me?
Mike: Hmmm...might be too late to have it completed by your wedding. Perhaps for your 1st Anniversary, which I believe is, traditionally, the "Self Deception" Anniversary. That or Paper.
Me: When's "Loathing," then? Second?
Mike: Oh, no, I think it's like 8 or 9. "Plotting" is traditionally 10, so it's shortly before that.
Me: *pfft* Like we’d make it that far. I'm hoping for four...what's that, "Petty Annoyance?"
Mike: That's three. Four is "Escalating Frustration," with the traditional gift being a poke in the eye.
Me: A gift I give every day.
Mike: Well then how will it be special on year 4?
Me: Manicure!
Mike: See there, you're gonna do just fine.

Not Helping

Me: [recount various items of wedding planning badness]
Beth: Well, you're coming into the home stretch, and it's only gonna get uglier from here.