The Fourth Estate

Kirsten: Whatever happened to freedom of the press?
Rich: They're stifling dissent!
Me: Yes, the Cape Cod Times is known for that.

Never Knew Me a Better Time

Me: Was "Crocodile Rock" playing in there?
Greg: Yeah.
Me: Oh, good. I was wondering how it got in my head.
Greg: Yes, there was was a reason.
Me: Good. I was afraid I'd gone from zero to "Crocodile Rock" with no provocation.
Greg: Scary!

Wrongness

Me: Did you see the wrong thing I sent you?
DM: Hm?
Me: I sent you a wrong thing.
DM: Oh, you know I love those. How wrong is it?
Me: All the way wrong.
DM: Is it so wrong it backs into right? Because you know sometimes...
Me: Nope, this gets to the center of wrong and just stops dead right there.
DM: Ouch.

It Comes in Threes

Me: In regard to Donna Summer and Robin Gibb, someone on Twitter said "God must really hate disco." And I was like, hello, Dietrich Fischer-Dieskau.
Matt: Well, what God really hates is song cycles.
Me: "If I have to listen to Winterreisse one more time, I swear to Me..."

From the Meeting

SGM: I think we have a problem. Not only is he under the table, he's also sucking his thumb.

Perfectly Reasonable Conversation

Me: Your lancets are so skinny!
Greg: Yeah, they don't fit. I have to get fatter lancets.
Me: With a "ph," of course.
Greg: Yes, phat lancets.
Me: Phat Lancets would be an all-diabetic rap group.
Greg: Educational, I should think.
Me: My name's MC Langerhans and I'm here to say / your blood sugar shouldn't fluxuate too much over the course of a day.
Greg: Exactly.

Yes, More Tired, We Know

Greg: The thing is, I bought groceries that need to be put away.
Me: Is there, like, stuff that would actually suffer from not being put away?
Greg: Yes.
Me: It would be nice if you would go put those away.
Greg: It would be nice if you would go put those away.
Me: Are we going to have to have a Who's Tireder-Off?
Greg: Probably.
Me: I'm tireder.
Greg: I'm tireder.
Me: ...alright, gimme a minute.
Greg: Yay.

Not Morning People

Me: Do you want me to make sure you're awake before I leave?
Greg: What time do you leave?
Me: 5:45.
Greg: No.

Boosey & Hawkes

DM: I think they're just spectacularly disorganized.
Me: No, they're genuinely assholes.
DM: Aw, I was trying to give them the benefit of the doubt.