Later

Greg: My very own Necronomicon. Too bad it's a copy.
Me: Jeez.
Greg: When I ask you to get me an ancient artifact...
Me: How was I supposed to know?
Greg: The real Necronomicon isn't made of paper.

Initial Reaction

Me: Here's a Necronomicon from Mike.
Greg: Thank you! Is it made of human skin?
Me: I'm pretty sure it's just copier paper.
Greg: Pfft.

The Presence of Sausages

Me: Isn't that the collective noun?

Why We're Not Allowed to Name Military Operations

Me: Jungle pancakes.
Greg: So you're just going to say "jungle pancakes" periodically, at random?
Me: Sure. Jungle pancakes.
Greg: Can I say "corpse pants?"
Me: Sure.
Greg: Corpse pants!
Me: Corpse pants. That's actually harder to say than jungle pancakes.
Greg: Not really. Corpse pants, corpse pants, corpse pants.
Me: Jungle pancakes.

Overtime

SGM: Are you studying?

Me: Nah, I’m just screwing around.

SGM: As long as you’re not working.

The Pants Story

Me: Okay, go ahead and tell your pants story.

Greg: What pants story?

Me: You’re kidding.

Greg: What?

Me: The enchanted pants.

Greg: What are you talking about?

Me: The enchanted pants story you’ve been going on about for days.

Greg: What enchanted pants?

Me: Are you kidding me? For days! Enchanted pants!

Greg: What are you talking about?

Me: The enchanted pants story.

Greg: What enchanted pants story?

Me: With the corpses.

Greg: Oh, that!

Craig: You know what? Just stop there. No story can live up to that lead-in.

After a survey of receipts in my wallet revealed I buy nothing but food and gas

Mike: Consume! Consume!! Why do you hate America?

Too Many Covers of "Ring of Fire"

Me: Debbie Harry?

Greg: No.

Me: Nancy Sinatra?

Greg: No.

Me: Olivia Newton-John?

Greg: Yes!

Rating

LT: You are awesome.

Me: Can I get that in writing?

LT: Sure. Can you use that on an NCOER?

Me: Strangely, I’m going to have to guess no-ish. Nor “rulez.”

LT: How about “phat?”

Me: Oh, sure. “His demonstrated commitment to safety is totally phat, yo.”

Did I Say the Wrong Thing?

Greg: ...which is to say, he's good at his job, but he annoys everyone.
Me: So, like me!
Greg: Yes! I mean no. I mean...what?