Recycling

COL: Do you have a clean manila folder?
Me: Er...how clean?
COL: Clean. New.
Me: Oh. Um...no. Wait...no.

Better than Insertion, I Guess

Wally: It has been pointed out to me that I have had a cranial-rectal inversion.

Aha!

Harpist: I like National Emblem.
Me: Why? Do you have a tacet sheet? *check instrumentation* You do have a tacet sheet!
Harpist: Yeah, well.

(He's New)

Bernie: Why is there always so much drama? This is not this bad a job!

Something Something Spear

COL: Somebody asked me something about...something. Or...I don't know. Something about Pennsylvania.

Note: I knew exactly what he was talking about.

Copier

Dan: We're having a bit of a jam session here.

Purpose

Howie: Evil librarian! Are you filing for America?
Me: I'm filing for democracy.

An Indicator That I May Not Be Cut Out For This Job

Twice today, upon viewing the phrase "National Emblem," I began hearing "El Capitan" in my head.

Baby

Matt: I think the cuteness is the only reason we're keeping him. Otherwise he'd be out with the recycling.

Scanning and International Relations

Shawn: Why 600 dpi? Instead of, say, three?
Me: Because that's what the guy at the Montreal symphony told us all to do, and I'm not going to argue with him, because he's French.

Shawn: That's probably for the best.

How a Letter Becomes a Missive

Guy: I mean, there's not, like, a form letter for that, is there?
Me: Nah. All you have to say is "yes, go ahead." I s'pose you could throw an AR at it to make it sound fancy.

Doctor Funny's Lessons in Comedy, Volume 1

Greg: Volume is irrelevant, but timing matters.

Special Delivery

Jim: A Böhm!
Me: Were you expecting one?

Note the Subtle Differences

Greg: I'm going to pout.
Me: Oh, and that's news how?
Greg: I don't usually pout. Usually I'm just sullen.

Organist with a Screwdriver

Myrna: What's he doing?
Me: "I wonder if I can take this thing apart and put it back together again before the sermon's over."
John: He's pulling out all the stops!
Me: Literally! *rimshot*
Steve: Is he worshipping the organ?
Me: Oh, I just thought of something awful.
Steve: *sigh* Okay, what.
Me: "Thou shalt have no other gods before me and my organ."
Steve: You're going to hell.

This Requires an Explanation, Which You're Not Getting

COL: Sarah! Come see me when you come out of the closet!

Hey!

Me: You're not allowed to assert!
Greg: Yes, I am!

The Programming Grid

Me: Look, sir, it's your favorite thing!
COL: Aw, shit.

Revised Edition

Vince: So should I give it a new catalog number, since it's basically a different chart?
Me: Yes.
Vince: Should I, like, do something with the cover or title or something?
Me: Mark it "version 2.0."
Vince: You're kidding.
Me: It works. We have a lot more 2.0's in the library than I like to think about.

Who Needs to Rehearse?

Me: Sammy has the parts for your chaser, but the main tune I don't have yet.
Al: Really.
Me: Yep.
Al: So, no band parts either.
Me: Yep.
Al: It's on the show next Friday.
Me: Yep.
Al: That's awesome.