He Has Opinions

Me: It's not so much math, it's probability.
Greg: Probability has math in it. Math that sucks.

And more.

Greg: My nose is itchy. And that has nothing to do with the Finnish
baserunners. I mean...
Me: What were you saying about Finnish baserunners?
Greg: Nothing!!

And yes, this did fit naturally into the conversation.

Me: You're signalling the Finnish undergound!
Greg: I wish!

Wherein Mike Wins the Text Conversation

Me: I'm at Catholic for a thing, and the room it's in has souvenirs from a priest's travels...
Me: ...and there's a carving of Ganesha from his trip to India...
Me: ...but since it's Catholic, it's labeled "man with the head of an elephant."
Mike: "Dude with lots of arms."
Me: "unknown figure seated on throne of skulls."
Mike: "Weird blue person."
Mike: "Monkey."

Clarification

Roman: By "bread," of course, I mean "pizza."

And yet this is itself true

Mike: Truth is stranger than Canadians.

Ah, inquisitive youth!

Dad: Do you have root beer?
Waitress: We do, but it's on draft, so it costs a little more. Is that
okay?
Kid: What's draft?
Waitress: It's where you pull down a big handle and it makes the beer
come out of a great big container...
Dad: ...called a keg...
Waitress: ...instead of a can.
Kid: Oh. What's a can?

Maurice Jarre

Me: Dangit, now I have Lara's theme from Dr. Zivago in my head.
Greg: Oh. I have "My Husband was a Weatherman."
Me: That's because you didn't collect music boxes as a child.

Game Day

Brian: The dragon is there whenever someone rolls a 1. So even if you
defeat him, the next time someone rolls a 1...
David: Cave of Infinite Dragons.
Alex: I need to remember to copyright that as a band name.
Greg: Eh, it's more of a debut album.

Truer Words Were Never Spoken

Greg: The internets is a dick.

Misery Loves Company

Me: I have "What's the Story, Morning Glory" stuck in my head now.
Guy from HFA: Try "Chain of Fools." That's what I've got.

were in ur dikshunaries

SGM: Since when is “vision” a verb?

Me: Since we verbed it, duh.

Career Advice

Greg: Don't get sent to Leavenworth for killing the band.
Me: But what if they need killin'?
Greg: Don't get sent to Leavenworth for killing the band.
Me: Ahhhhh, okay.

Why Is This Difficult?

Long-Winded Guy, summarized: I need a copy of [tune].
Me, summarized: Despite the fact that you failed to give me the title, composer, or any useful information, from your long description of the tune, I can tell you we don’t have it.
LWG, verbatim: I spoke to my friend today and he told me he thought the music went to the Ft. Dix music library. If you can locate the arrangement and get the exact title and the publishers name and address I can contact them and see what I can do.
Me, verbatim: I have forwarded your request to the band at Ft. Dix.

See also this classic post.

Brains!

Mike: Rarely does the addition of zombies lend itself to subtlety.

All Fear Google Street Views!

Mike: I kind of don't want to live in the Google Street Views world.  It's a very unpredictable and frightening place.

Me: What with the samurai and the UFOs and whatnot. And it’s impossible to pack for trips because of the weather.

Mike: Well, precisely. Not to mention the fact that cars and big-ass trucks pop in and out of existence from one moment to the next. Dude, dangerous!

All Hail Google Street Views!

Me: I scrolled the other direction and the sun came out!

Mike: Google Street Views is a powerful wizard!

How Not to Scam Music, continued

Navy officer: Yeah, I know we could buy it, but can’t you just fax it to us?

Another Day, Another Justifiable Homicide

Gene: So what are you up to?

Me: Oh, y’know. Not killin’ the concert band, a daily challenge.

Gene: That seems to be a common theme.

Accuracy

Me: I’m not making fun of you. In this case.

LT: Thank you for not making fun of me.

Me: …in this case.

LT: Thank you for not making fun of me in this case.

Me: There you go.