I Failed to Post This When It Happened

Mike: Wow, they Epic Failed 15 years before Epic Failing even existed!
Me: They were pioneers.
Mike: They took their Failboat across the Failsea, straight to the colony of Failsburgh, to start life anew. A life where the freedom to fail is an unassailable right.
Me: And we will call it Failtopia!

Original Thoughts are Inefficient!

Conductor: Do we have any of these tunes? [list]
Me: No, but I have the CD you're looking at.

Leadership

CPT: Is this gonna work?
Me: Beats me. I've assigned Matt the task of figuring it the hell out.

Movie reviews as a function of Leonard Part 6

Matt: ...and I realized I've never seen "Hair," and I was looking at the listings, and it's on AMC at like 4am, so I set the TiVo.
Adrian: You're proud of this? Something they only air at 4am?
Matt: Sure! I mean, it's "Hair," right? It's...
Me: Iconic.
Matt: There you go, iconic.
Adrian: As iconic as "Leonard Part 6."
Matt: Which I've seen like twenty times.
Me: You don't tell people that.
Matt: I was a kid! Plus, I'd rather see that twenty times than watch "The Happening" ever again.

Belly-Poking Standoff

Greg: It's like a John Woo movie! Except with fingers!

Advanced Topics in Shopping Theory

Mike: What I need is for the price to drop by a lot. At 50% off, I'd totally buy two.

Betty White

Adrian: She’s a lot funnier than Jack Black, I’ll tell you that.

Eating Habits

Me: How did you get parsley on your shoulder?
Greg: How could I not get parsley on my shoulder?!

Walk Tall

CPT: Who sings that?

Me: Beats me. I have David Tennant singing it.

Vinny: Yeah, but everything you have is a cover.

Me: Yeah, so?

YouTube, Summarized

Mike: The people, they have too much of the time, and too many of the
Legos.

That Certain Sound

Greg: What was that supposed to be?
Jake: A yawp of some sort or other.
Me: A barbaric yawp?
Jake: That's the one.

The Year of the NCO

Greg: The Army has a zodiac?!

(I'm Lying, Of Course)

Loran: There was a prolonged, very loud noise.
Jay: Uh, yeah. That might've been us.
Me: And even if it was, it had nothing to do with the blood on my head.
Loran: Uh huh.

He Has Opinions

Me: It's not so much math, it's probability.
Greg: Probability has math in it. Math that sucks.

And more.

Greg: My nose is itchy. And that has nothing to do with the Finnish
baserunners. I mean...
Me: What were you saying about Finnish baserunners?
Greg: Nothing!!

And yes, this did fit naturally into the conversation.

Me: You're signalling the Finnish undergound!
Greg: I wish!

Wherein Mike Wins the Text Conversation

Me: I'm at Catholic for a thing, and the room it's in has souvenirs from a priest's travels...
Me: ...and there's a carving of Ganesha from his trip to India...
Me: ...but since it's Catholic, it's labeled "man with the head of an elephant."
Mike: "Dude with lots of arms."
Me: "unknown figure seated on throne of skulls."
Mike: "Weird blue person."
Mike: "Monkey."

Clarification

Roman: By "bread," of course, I mean "pizza."

And yet this is itself true

Mike: Truth is stranger than Canadians.

Ah, inquisitive youth!

Dad: Do you have root beer?
Waitress: We do, but it's on draft, so it costs a little more. Is that
okay?
Kid: What's draft?
Waitress: It's where you pull down a big handle and it makes the beer
come out of a great big container...
Dad: ...called a keg...
Waitress: ...instead of a can.
Kid: Oh. What's a can?