Abominable Papercrafts

Me: Did you know there are "print and fold" mascots at vancouver2010.com?
Mike: No I did not, but I so don't want a stylized Canadian first-nations origami yeti in my house. Oh, wait, yes I do.

A Selection of High-Quality Typos So Far This Week

The Way You Loom Tonight
South Rampart Street Pavane
Sleigh Rice

Matt: Y'know, I would like to hear that pavane.

The Art of Conversation

Me: Hello! Would you like to talk about my headache? It's all I can think about.
Shari: My back is killing me.
Me: Would you like to talk about my headache to take your mind off of it?

Lest you think this blog is merely a catalog of stupid crap others say

Me: In my head, a group of children are yelling "thank you, TiVO chicken! Bok bok!"
...
Me: It's like Wil Wheaton. Well, it's like Wil Wheaton dressed as Colonel Sanders.

It's not all fun and games, you know.

Greg: God, this sobriety test is so boring!

Learning

Matt: I’m all about learning through failure. Lots and lots of failure. If it’s possible to screw it up, I’m there.

Two Snippets of Radio Announcements Heard While Abusing "Scan"

1. ...for various reasons. But that is why we have so many oratorios!
2. Elaine Stritch!

Greg Summarizes Rosemary's Baby

Greg: Yay, technology! Boo, devil worship!

So we're at this restaurant showing Jacques Pepin on a loop, right?

Me: Flanmergency!
Greg: How often do you have one of those?

Black Friday Shopping

Greg: The hard thing about Mike is you have to find something truly
awful. Just horribly, unforgivably bad.

Aloo Paratha

Me: Yesterday we had potato in a pie crust, so clearly now we need
potato stuffed in bread.
Joel: How far do you want to go with this?
Me: I want a turducken of starches!

Mathramblin'

Me: That's what your book of cowboy poetry will be called.
Greg: Ridin' across the prairie, I seen a five by seven grid of cows...

9.2% abv

Me: How ya doin'?
Greg: I'm almost capable of focusing on the task at hand!

Conversation Degradation

Greg: You gotta love a man who knows his sausages.
Me: Is that a penis joke? I've lost track.
Greg: When did they start?
Me: With the "rigor" joke.
Greg: Oh yeah. Anyway, I may not know my sausages that well, but I'm
reasonably familiar with them.
Me: ...okay, was that a penis joke?
Greg: Always assume everything is a penis joke.

Mart A

Me: One of the craft blogs in my reader has a free needlepoint pattern today: "The quick brown fox jumped over the lazy dog." Do you see the flaw?
Greg: What flaw could you be talking about? Every pangram (the right name, I think) ever written joined every letter into a maze of language. Quite exciting!

Time to Decipher the Thermostat

Me: How is it colder UPstairs?
Greg: I don't know!
Me: Did heat not get the memo?

Don't Ask, I Won't Tell

Matt: Okay, who put words to the Minute Waltz?
Me: Barbra Streisand. Why do you ask questions you don't want the answer to?

Cold Weather Attire

Me: ...and I discovered when I went to the bathroom that there was a third layer I'd forgotten about.
Greg: "There's pants in my pants!"

With great power comes the obligation to dismiss people early

Loran: This is my first chance to be magnanimous, so take advantage of it.

Get us, bein' all topical and stuff

Mike: I'm not sure that goring is legal in football.
Me: Damnit, first that useless pass interference rule, now no goring? Where's the sport, I ask you!
Mike: Next thing you know, they'll take away our handguns!
Me: What's this country coming to?
Mike: It's the Communo-Fascist Terrorist Muslims in the government, I tell ya.
Me: We should all move to Iran, one of the most democratic countries in the world! According to them!
Mike: Plus, bonus: no gays!
Me: According to them!
Mike: Well, and why would they lie? That nice Mahmoud has such an honest face.
Me: And he's willing to stay in a normal hotel room. Unlike some.
Mike: Exactly. He's so down-to-earth and charming, it's easy to ignore the Holocaust denying. Everybody has flaws.