Regulars

Host: Hello!
Me: Hello!
Sushi chef: Hello!
Me: Hello!
Table of people who were there last week, too: Hello!
Me: Hello!

(Additional Skill Identifier)

SPC: Do you know me? I have an ASI in bitching, bro.

Let's Try "Strained Silence" Next

Greg: Let's talk about something else. This is getting awkward.
Me: Oh, it's waaaaayyyy beyond awkward. It's in the "making bullet points to go over with the psychologist" zone.

He's Not Wrong

Paul: How ya doin'?
Me: A'ight. How you doin'?
Paul: ...  ...  Awesome.
Me: Man, why do you lie to me like that?
Paul: Because it's faster.

Copyright Conversation Coda

Kevin: I...I thought it was about the music, Sarah.
Me: Ha! Adorable.

It's possible this call to the IP attorney has drifted off-topic

Lawyer: Dirndls ain't cheap!

Teamwork

Alex: We've mostly been chasing children.
Me: Well, yeah, they outnumber you now.
Alex: We've switched to zone.

Cards Against Humanity Against Kirsten

Kirsten: If I had a bigger, blacker dick, I would put it in there.

Typical Friday Afternoon Work Conversation

Matt: The minor league hockey team in Greenville, South Carolina, is the Greenville Growl.
Me: What? That's not even...
Matt: It definitely has at least two R's, too. Actually, maybe three.
Me: Well, it succeeds in making Utah Jazz a totally legitimate team name in comparison.

Lesser of Two Evils

Shari: I don't want to go in there yet because [identity withheld] is in there.
Me: Well, he's still single...
Shari: I wonder why.
Me: ...and you're still single...
Shari: I'd rather... ugh... I'd rather...
Me: Be found half-eaten by cats?
Shari: Yes!

Murse Clean-Out Day

Me: It's such a small bag, and yet I expect you to pull out a lamp and a tape measure that calls you "practically perfect in every way."
Greg: These are reasonable expectations.

A brief conversation

Noah: I'm not sure what to do right now. I mean, all my balls are in the air.
...
Noah: I shouldn't use that phrase anymore, should I.
Greg: I'm glad you recognize that.

Efforting

Brian: That's not a word, and I've heard it before.

Outcomes of Research

Me: I have a new favorite early American choral composer.
Matt: Yeah?
Me: Supply Belcher. I think we should program everything he ever wrote based solely on his name.
Matt: Supply?
Me: Yup.
Matt: His name's Supply.
Me: And Belcher.
Matt: I don't know that we want what he's supplying.

Copyright Duration Funtimes

Singer: When does that go in the public domain?
Me: Durufle? Pfff. Not for a long time. [tickety tickety] 2057.
Singer: What?! How long is the...
Me: Life plus 70 years.
Singer: Good lord. I’m not even going to care about his music by then.
Me: You’ll care about pudding.
Singer: At best.

Highlights from the Dice History panel at PAX East 2013

• I'm of the generation where when I see a woman at a gaming con, I'm like "that is so cool!" I'm also of the generation that when they added the A to D&D it was revolutionary. And the tables made sense!
• How did I get into dice? How are you not into dice? I get confused by people who don't know what a d20 is and don't have piles of dice around the house.
• For those of you who can't tell the difference between comedians and journalists, comedians tell the truth more often.
• Don't let me come between you and your Magic cards.
• on Ezekiel: It is the book Hunter S. Thompson would have written if he were an Old Testament prophet. Someone needs to get the RPG for that going.
• I'm convinced that most Kickstarter projects are just excuses to get 3D printers.
• on dice towers: The only more useless piece of technology, which I also own, is the manual Chinese typewriter.

Highlights from MC Frontalot's PAX East 2013 Banter

• You talk like a JRPG that was translated in Finland.
• Yes, give yourselves some wolf whistles and golf claps.
• That was a little convoluted. That's what happens when you ad lib, everybody.
• Bl4k Lotus, show them what the subwoofers are for.... ahhh...do you hear the darkness?
• That's why I like you guys. Your enthusiasm is indomitable.

On depression in video gaming

Researcher: As a disclaimer, this was collected before Sim City came out, so it did not affect our sample.

Career Progression

Inon Zur: My first real job was as a tank commander in the Israeli army, and then I wrote for Power Rangers--about 200 episodes--and then I scored Klingon Academy.

Indeed

He: You don't have a Texas accent at all.
She: It comes out when I get tarred.