Never say "never." Or "only."

SGM K: ...and that's why Fort George G. Meade is the only post that uses the general's full name.
Me: Well, there's Fort Leonard Wood.
SGM K: And Fort Sam Houston.
Me: Right.
SGM K: So I guess it isn't.

Now that's rubato!

From a music catalog...

        Duration: 10'-26'

Look, just pick one.

The US Virgin Islands have a state song ("The Governor's Own") and a national anthem ("The US Virgin Islands March").

Who wants to tell them? Oh, I will. *ahem*

ATTENTION, CITIZENS OF THE VIRGIN ISLANDS. YOU ARE NEITHER A STATE NOR A NATION. YOU ARE A TERRITORY. WHY CAN'T YOU BE MORE LIKE GUAM? YOU NEVER HEAR GUAM COMPLAINING AND MAKING UP THEIR OWN SONGS.

The PT Test is Over

Bad news, folks! For six whole months you're going to have to judge people on merit instead of body fat percentage! Uh-oh!

Yeah, baby! II

Said dial is labeled "Dial-A-Nap."

Yeah, baby!

I just noticed our cheap old vacuum has a dial on it with settings for "LOW," "MED," "HIGH," and "SHAG."

Sept Dances

MAJ: What's this "September Dances?"
Me: No, it's "Sept."
MAJ: Right.
Me: Like, seven. Dances. Sept Dances. Sept.
MAJ: I don't get it.

sw33t

The good news: I just found a music dealer whose phone number ends 1337.
The bad news: he almost certainly doesn't get it.

Others count successfully

Me: Librarysergeantanderson.
Mike: Fifty-nine minutes.
Me: Excellent. Next time shoot for 119.

Others count down for me

Mike: Is Beth around?
Me: Nope.
Mike: I'm trying to find the senior person. McGhee is next.
Me: Tell him to dismiss us.
Mike: That's the plan.

La Fille du Cadiz

Me: It makes me laugh that there's a jazz band arrangement of this.
Jazzer: Why?
Me: Well, it's an opera.
Jazzer: It's a Miles Davis tune! It's very famous.
Me: Jackie sang it a couple of years ago.
Jazzer: It's Miles Davis!

Another day of counting down

148 minutes.

Is THIS Your Score?

COL: Could be. I rarely look at them.

Bizarre Song Title du Jour

"Attack on Undying Oompah" for brass quintet

City Most in Need of a Map

South Boston, VA

Things the Colonel Didn't Say to Me Just Now

"Oh, God. I'm brain dead!"

Froogle

COL:  Is that froogle like cheap, or froogle like Google?
Me: Yes.

I take it all back

I've always asserted that jazz music has the dumbest tune tiles of all.

I have just found an orchestral piece called Mxyzptlk. The orchestra wins.

A New Level of Procrastination

Should have done: vacuuming.
Actually did: arranged a capella jazz version of "Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer."

Am I teeming with a lot of news!

There's an arrangement of "I Am the Very Model of a Modern Major-General" for handbell choir.

You know, in case you needed one.