Me: If we use two bivalves, we can make a heart!
Mike: This coral looks like a brain. Just put that in.
Wednesday, February 28, 2007
Sunday, February 25, 2007
Thursday, February 15, 2007
Maybe not exactly that excuse
COL: Man, I need to get going.
Me: Oh, you'll never leave. It took Eddie an hour to leave, and he had an excuse.
COL: Yeah, he had the ticking clock: $10 an hour babysitter.
Greg: You need an excuse like that, sir.
COL, after consideration: No, thanks.
Me: Oh, you'll never leave. It took Eddie an hour to leave, and he had an excuse.
COL: Yeah, he had the ticking clock: $10 an hour babysitter.
Greg: You need an excuse like that, sir.
COL, after consideration: No, thanks.
Tuesday, February 13, 2007
I hope it was the snow
David: I just need four more inches of this so I can go home.
Me: I don't want to know what you were pointing at when you said that.
David: Use your imagination.
Me: I don't want to know what you were pointing at when you said that.
David: Use your imagination.
Friday, February 09, 2007
Class A
COL H: I'm just gonna go change out of this.
LTC C: I completely forgot about a change of clothes.
Me: Oh, you love that outfit.
LTC C: You're right. I hate to take it off.
COL H: He has another one he sleeps in.
LTC C: I completely forgot about a change of clothes.
Me: Oh, you love that outfit.
LTC C: You're right. I hate to take it off.
COL H: He has another one he sleeps in.
Thursday, February 08, 2007
She's Right, You Know
Rob: That's what happens when you miss rehearsal. You get elected to be the hanging pig.
Erica:That is a blog quote.
Erica:That is a blog quote.
Tuesday, February 06, 2007
Why Women Kill
Me: [announce weight loss of X pounds]
Greg: [announce weight loss of 2X pounds]
Me: [expletive]
Greg: [announce weight loss of 2X pounds]
Me: [expletive]
Self Knowledge
COL: I submitted your recommendation letter yesterday.
Me: Oh, good. Thank you, sir.
COL: So if you don't get accepted...
Me: It's not your fault.
COL: No, it probably is. "Couldn't she find anyone who can write?"
Me: Oh, good. Thank you, sir.
COL: So if you don't get accepted...
Me: It's not your fault.
COL: No, it probably is. "Couldn't she find anyone who can write?"
Friday, February 02, 2007
Thursday, February 01, 2007
Life Isn't Always Exactly 8 x 10
Frame shop employee: I'm going to trim just a bit off of the top here.
Me: *gasp* Those ceiling tiles are vital to the composition!
Frame shop employee: *pfft* You wouldn't have noticed.
Me: *gasp* Those ceiling tiles are vital to the composition!
Frame shop employee: *pfft* You wouldn't have noticed.
Wednesday, January 31, 2007
Hey, World, Guess What!
Recruiting email: Current Shortages include: Military Intelligence...
Mike: *snort* You'd think they'd want to keep that a little quiet.
Mike: *snort* You'd think they'd want to keep that a little quiet.
Tuesday, January 30, 2007
The Fitness Gap
Mike: Dude, guys don't even know half the time when they've lost weight. But it's okay, because they also don't know when they've gained it. Until their pants don't fit anymore. Not that they won't go right on wearing them.
Boy Theatre Genius!
Me: That's a 1940's comic book not waiting to happen.
Mike: Hilarious. Who would his side-kick be--or rather the hero to whom he is side-kick? "Cole Porter: Ultra-Fop!" or perhaps "The Gershwinian: Protector of Pianists!"
Me: Irving the Berlinator!
Mike: I'm totally out of mid-century composers already.
Me: I've been trying to make a "Tin Pan Allez" joke, but I got nothing. Maybe it could be their battle cry.
Mike: It's very funny, except for the fact that it involves French. And a pun. Are French puns more or less acceptable than English puns?
Me: That's a question I hoped never to ponder.
Mike: Hilarious. Who would his side-kick be--or rather the hero to whom he is side-kick? "Cole Porter: Ultra-Fop!" or perhaps "The Gershwinian: Protector of Pianists!"
Me: Irving the Berlinator!
Mike: I'm totally out of mid-century composers already.
Me: I've been trying to make a "Tin Pan Allez" joke, but I got nothing. Maybe it could be their battle cry.
Mike: It's very funny, except for the fact that it involves French. And a pun. Are French puns more or less acceptable than English puns?
Me: That's a question I hoped never to ponder.
Job Security
Scott: It's printing upside-down on the back.
Me: Ah, yeah...remember yesterday when I showed you how to fix that?
Scott: You did it so fast, I didn't see what you did.
Me: That's how I maintain my value.
Me: Ah, yeah...remember yesterday when I showed you how to fix that?
Scott: You did it so fast, I didn't see what you did.
Me: That's how I maintain my value.
Douglas Coupland (Again)
Mike: I'm so glad he's working.
Me: ...elsewhere.
Mike: Yeah, the British can have totally him. Although he's running out of English-speaking countries. I guess Australia is next.
Me: Sure would be a shame if a shark got 'im. Yep. Damn shame.
Mike: I hear they got a whole lot of deadly poisonous reptiles and insects down there. Maybe we should book him on a tour of the Outback. Ya know, as a present.
Me: That's thoughtful, that is.
Mike: We're very appreciative of his work. Perhaps a bottle of raw-meat scented cologne would go nice as well.
Me: Or a big jar of honey and a big jar of ants.
Mike: The stinging is how they tell him they want to be his special friend.
Me: Venom = love. Remember that for Valentine's Day.
Mike: Here, honey, I got you this diamond...back!
Me: ...elsewhere.
Mike: Yeah, the British can have totally him. Although he's running out of English-speaking countries. I guess Australia is next.
Me: Sure would be a shame if a shark got 'im. Yep. Damn shame.
Mike: I hear they got a whole lot of deadly poisonous reptiles and insects down there. Maybe we should book him on a tour of the Outback. Ya know, as a present.
Me: That's thoughtful, that is.
Mike: We're very appreciative of his work. Perhaps a bottle of raw-meat scented cologne would go nice as well.
Me: Or a big jar of honey and a big jar of ants.
Mike: The stinging is how they tell him they want to be his special friend.
Me: Venom = love. Remember that for Valentine's Day.
Mike: Here, honey, I got you this diamond...back!
Be Careful What You Wish For
Joel: Know why I'm so excited?
Me: No.
Joel: My daughter's looking at a house tonight, and it's three blocks from me.
Me: Man, you'll be babysitters for life.
Joel: I hope so!!!
Me: No.
Joel: My daughter's looking at a house tonight, and it's three blocks from me.
Me: Man, you'll be babysitters for life.
Joel: I hope so!!!
If, Then
Me: You know why my feet hurt so much?
Greg: Why?
Me: Because I'm so friggin' fat.
Greg: Man, causality's a bitch.
Greg: Why?
Me: Because I'm so friggin' fat.
Greg: Man, causality's a bitch.
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