What $2000 of Wedding Music Buys You

Brass quintet POC: I want the music to be as close to what you imagined as possible. You did imagine lots of clams, right?

Keeps me movin', keeps me groovin'

Me: Are you living in a boogie wonderland?
David: Hell yeah.
Me: I can see it on your face.
David: I'm usually either there or Funkytown.
Me: Ah. So you commute.

I found this much funnier than you will

Me: Whereas with the big tiki head, they'll say, "Hey!"
Greg: "What's with the big tiki head?"

Regional Specialties

Mike: I feel like they got the wrong kind. You wouldn't think you'd necessarily want to advertise that style.
Me: Genuine New England style grits!
Mike: Delicious midwestern-style barbecue!
Me: California-style pralines!
Mike: Fresh Canadian biscuits 'n' gravy!
Me: Genuine Texas-style clam chowder! Yee haw!
Mike: (Get along little clams!) Wisconsin chili!
Me: Traditional Oregonian Cuban sandwiches!
Mike: Nebraskan-style empanadas!
Me: (which are in fact tuna-salad sandwiches.) Native New Mexican gefilte!
Mike: Genuine New york Kosher deli bacon!
Me: San Francisco's own pastrami!
Mike: I think I may have plum run out. Y'all.
Me: We could've gone international, but it's better we didn't. Also: classic Idaho beignets.
Mike: See, you're way better at this one than I am.
Me: Honestly, it's probably from the work-related travel. Tennessee lobster bisque.

Mike Chooses a Hat

Mike: Hmmm...penguin or sombrero...penguin or sombrero...Hey! Why not both!

The New Couple in Class

Me: Do you think they'll break up over dance class?
Greg: Nah. But they'll definitely have a fight.

The Boss

Greg: Anne is really nice. She will make you feel that what you have to say is interesting and she wants to listen to it.
Me: So the opposite of me, then.
Greg: *look askance* Maybe.

Spot the Mathematician!

Greg: Mathematicians try to have order in their lives, so you might notice that in their attire. Computer scientists try to be more punk. So this is a computer scientist outfit instead of a mathematician one.
Me: What are you going to do about it?
Greg: Nothing.
Me: What if people mistake you for a computer scientist?
Greg: I'll get all up in their faces.
Me: But if you get all up in their faces, you won't be a mathematician.
Greg: Oh, you're right. I'll be all up in their shoes.

These Kids Today

Mike: How does one not know who David Bowie is? I mean, I was young once, but I knew who Frankie Valli was.

How We Got on the Topic of Armored Bees

Greg: This all started with your assertion that the old library would only be useful as a showroom for tiny blimps, which is in itself ridiculous.

Dr. Demento

Mike: Novelty songs haven't really been big since the early 80's. And also, they've never been.

Novel in a Month

Laura: I wrote a young adult novel because I actually know someone who works in publishing and that's what they suggested. It was about this girl whose id kind of pops out of her body and follows her around. He was a little demon guy who looked like [my boyfriend].
Jake: So if the id looks like [boyfriend], what do the ego and super ego look like?
Me: Well, one of them wears a cape.
Jake: Obviously.

That Certain Something

Me: I've printed two of the arranger candidates' parts so far, and they both use Finale's "Maestro" font for the band and chorus arrangements, and "Jazz" for the jazz and rock band arrangements.
Teresa: Well, that's what makes it jazz: the font.

That Time of Year

Me: I wandered out of bed at about 11:30 this morning.
Susan: Not me! I had to get up early to obsess about the fact that I haven't done my taxes.

He Has a Point

Me: I want Leonard Nimoy to read that to me!
Greg: Who doesn't?

Contract Negotiations

Jane: I still maintain you should have held out for the chocolate.

Grammar, not so much

Slogan of party goods vendor: We Take Partying Serious!

Fairly Generous Assessment

David: What are you going to do? The French are people, too.
Me: To an extent.
David: Roughly.

What's in a name?

Me: How glad are you you're not this guy?
Mike: I bet he thinks he's the best real-estate developer in the world.

Lying to the Aged

Dad: My mind is going. Have you noticed?
Me: Yep.
Dad: Oh! Well, it's kind of you not to mention it.
Me: I did mention it, you just forgot.