lolmikez

Mike: My nachur perservz, let me show you them.

Not Quite So Great Minds

Greg: There’s a store over there called Tot Shot.

Me: Hm.

Greg: …

Me: …

Greg: …

Me: I’ve come up with several explanations for it, and none are appropriate.

Greg: Me, too.

Me: One involves a trebuchet.

Greg: Me, too!

Me: My other one is a tiny, kid-sized firing range.

Greg: Oh. My other one involves syringes.

Awards

(overheard at a diner in Ohio)

Man: She got a medal for valor.
Woman: What kind?
Man: Bronze Star.
Woman: I thought valor was a Silver Star.
Man: Well, there's that, too.
Woman: So what's silver for? More valor?
Man: Pretty much.
Woman: So what kind of star did you get?
Man: Plastic.

Hint: parts of it are in another room

Sign: COPIER EXTREMELY BROKEN

LT: So it’s not black and white, it’s on a scale of brokenness? It’s not totally broken?

Me: No, it’s beyond just being broken. It’s extremely broken.

Lt: Oh. Well, then you should just put “Copier > Broken.”

What is Truth?

Jake: I don't really buy in to that. Wikipedia says it lacks validity.

Cause of Injury: Office Supplies

Me: And if it doesn’t work, we’ll get bigger binder clips.

Bernie: Ask Gene. He’s got binder clips that’ll take your arm off.

Plan B

Mike B: I think my planning effort should go into an escape route, rather than a congratulatory speech.

Panty hose sizes

Kevin: Queen, EE, Recapitulation, Aubergine.

Pun Reaction

Greg: I knew that was coming.
Kevin: And yet, you did not bake a cake.

Seaweed Beer

Trip: More seaweed!
Toonhead: That wasn't kelpy enough, you bitch!
Trip: Agar! Agar! Agar!

Brickskeller

Me: You're trying to get me drunk!
Greg: No, I'm allowing you to get yourself drunk.

Sondheim

Dave: I didn't even know Company was the name of a show. I've heard of Into the Woods...

Planning

Toonhead: So the puzzle calendar is empty until Con.
Kevin: Well, there's that Strip Sudoku thing in June, but I'm not going.

What is it?

Kevin: Diagnosis: Cooties!

All the same

Dave: I never know if it's Al Pacino or Robert DeNiro.
Greg: Just say it was the guy in Heat.
Dave: That was Val Kilmer.
Greg: What?!

Drunken Rambling

Me: I can has non sequitur?

Shuffle

Greg: Oh, Kenny G.
Me: Why?
Greg: Mistake.

Library Science

Aunt Carol: I usually just go to the library and pick out fluff fiction and leave, but I do have a card in WI and IL, so that makes me somewhat of an intellectual.

Getting Philosophical on the Last Day of Class

Anwar: The last librarian will work for Google.

No Points for Knowing That

IW: “Skechers” is the correct spelling.

Me: Busted!