Betty White

Adrian: She’s a lot funnier than Jack Black, I’ll tell you that.

Eating Habits

Me: How did you get parsley on your shoulder?
Greg: How could I not get parsley on my shoulder?!

Walk Tall

CPT: Who sings that?

Me: Beats me. I have David Tennant singing it.

Vinny: Yeah, but everything you have is a cover.

Me: Yeah, so?

YouTube, Summarized

Mike: The people, they have too much of the time, and too many of the
Legos.

That Certain Sound

Greg: What was that supposed to be?
Jake: A yawp of some sort or other.
Me: A barbaric yawp?
Jake: That's the one.

The Year of the NCO

Greg: The Army has a zodiac?!

(I'm Lying, Of Course)

Loran: There was a prolonged, very loud noise.
Jay: Uh, yeah. That might've been us.
Me: And even if it was, it had nothing to do with the blood on my head.
Loran: Uh huh.

He Has Opinions

Me: It's not so much math, it's probability.
Greg: Probability has math in it. Math that sucks.

And more.

Greg: My nose is itchy. And that has nothing to do with the Finnish
baserunners. I mean...
Me: What were you saying about Finnish baserunners?
Greg: Nothing!!

And yes, this did fit naturally into the conversation.

Me: You're signalling the Finnish undergound!
Greg: I wish!

Wherein Mike Wins the Text Conversation

Me: I'm at Catholic for a thing, and the room it's in has souvenirs from a priest's travels...
Me: ...and there's a carving of Ganesha from his trip to India...
Me: ...but since it's Catholic, it's labeled "man with the head of an elephant."
Mike: "Dude with lots of arms."
Me: "unknown figure seated on throne of skulls."
Mike: "Weird blue person."
Mike: "Monkey."

Clarification

Roman: By "bread," of course, I mean "pizza."

And yet this is itself true

Mike: Truth is stranger than Canadians.

Ah, inquisitive youth!

Dad: Do you have root beer?
Waitress: We do, but it's on draft, so it costs a little more. Is that
okay?
Kid: What's draft?
Waitress: It's where you pull down a big handle and it makes the beer
come out of a great big container...
Dad: ...called a keg...
Waitress: ...instead of a can.
Kid: Oh. What's a can?

Maurice Jarre

Me: Dangit, now I have Lara's theme from Dr. Zivago in my head.
Greg: Oh. I have "My Husband was a Weatherman."
Me: That's because you didn't collect music boxes as a child.

Game Day

Brian: The dragon is there whenever someone rolls a 1. So even if you
defeat him, the next time someone rolls a 1...
David: Cave of Infinite Dragons.
Alex: I need to remember to copyright that as a band name.
Greg: Eh, it's more of a debut album.

Truer Words Were Never Spoken

Greg: The internets is a dick.

Misery Loves Company

Me: I have "What's the Story, Morning Glory" stuck in my head now.
Guy from HFA: Try "Chain of Fools." That's what I've got.

were in ur dikshunaries

SGM: Since when is “vision” a verb?

Me: Since we verbed it, duh.

Career Advice

Greg: Don't get sent to Leavenworth for killing the band.
Me: But what if they need killin'?
Greg: Don't get sent to Leavenworth for killing the band.
Me: Ahhhhh, okay.