Starring Jet Li

Me: This is pretty good, actually.
Greg: What is it?
Me: Chef's cheese, refried beans, Monterey jack, bacon, and taco sauce. On the last tortilla.
Greg: The last tortilla!
Me: John Woo's "The Last Tortilla."
Greg: Ooh!
Me: I would see that.
Greg: Two tacos face off with one another...in Hong Kong.

So at Christmas? We have rum punch?

Kirsten: If elephants can eat poop, I can drink wine from the bottle.
Greg H: If I had a nickel for every time I've heard that.

Thyme Keeps on Flippin' into the Suture

Me: That's why you shouldn't cook after surgery.
...
Me: God, that was shameful.
Greg: Yes! Yes, it was!

Can't Stop the Music

Greg: Uh oh.
Me: Are we out of champagne?
Greg: We are.
Me: Damnit! I'm never going to make it through this Village People movie.

Kids. What can you do?

Greg: Noah said something about always look on the bright side of life.

Me: And then everyone started whistling.

Greg: No, and then Arnie said "don't ever say that again, because now I have [singing] in my head."

Me: Ah.

Greg: And then the intern asked where that was from.

Me: And then you euthanized him.

Greg: No.

Me: Hm.

She never begs; she knows how to choose them

Me: That's more ZZ Top than I thought I knew.

Greg: That's more ZZ Top than I thought you knew.

Man-to-English Translation

Greg: Nice dress.
Me: Nice boobs.
Greg: That's what I meant.

The texts are coming from inside the house!

Me: Are you home and I didn't notice? Because I hear someone walking around upstairs.
Greg: Yes. How do you not notice?!
Me: Dude, I have locked myself in the bathroom and was about to call the police. No way your car was here when I got home.
Greg: It was.
Me: You have a cloaking device, then.

Later...
Me: I categorically deny that your car was in the garage when I got home!
Greg: And I categorically assert that it was!
Me: Cloaking device! It's the only answer!

Like the Pioneers Would Have

Caller: I know you don't have power, but I need to ask you [rather basic question].
Me: [answer].
Caller: Wow! Okay, [tougher question].
Me: That one I don't know, but I can give you the number of the person to call. Just give me a second...okay, it's [number].
Caller: Wait a minute, how did you know that if the power is off?
Me: I...have it written down?
Caller: Oh, MAN!

Later...
Me: ...and he was like, "Oh, MAN!"
Matt: No.
Me: Yes.
Matt: Wow. That...scares me.

Not sure how to take this...

Greg: Oh, someone made an RPG based on Torchwood. That'd be fun.
Me: If you're gay.
Greg: What? You could play Owen.

Copyright: A Summary

CPT: Have we heard back on any of the stuff we were waiting on?
Me: No. None of it.
CPT: Which were the things we were wondering about?
Me: All of them.

Unite!

Me: Rstevens says "Free yourself from the tyranny of pants! Onwards toward nudity!"
Greg: Excellent! Tell him I fully support his movement and wish to obtain some pamphlets!

On Lobster

Greg: I have to wonder, how does a giant scavenger insect living at the bottom of the sea get so tasty? It doesn't make sense.

Salt! Salt! Salt!

Mike: Nothing makes me want to destroy humanity more than Parrotheads.

Subbin'

Me: Half this choir is subs. They were reading "Assumpta est Maria"
and had to be told it was for Assumption.
Greg: Well, what did you assume?
Me: I assumed you'd say that, for one thing.

I Do Try

Sammy: You look very serious.
Me: I'm trying to prevent the clarinets from having to play Clarinet Candy, Clarinet Polka, or Fiddle Faddle.
Sammy: A noble cause.

My Obvious Hip Hop Potential

Me: They see me munchin', they hatin', something something something
something eatin' almonds.
Greg: Okay...?

From the organization that brought you "Somebody should update the wiki" comes...

Greg: I thought communication was hard, but apparently I'm awesome at it!

Yet more LBSC0735!

• We replaced everything else we had with Going Rogue; it's all you need.
• If you had a slow connection with baseball, how would you know? They're just standing there either way.
• Stupidity is boundless.
• I suppose this is really overly dorky.
• The T is for terrorism. Wow, that sounds like Sesame Street gone wrong.
• It sounds like fun! And anchovy!
• You don't see doctors throwing paint on each other and screaming "Lucifer."
• Um...hi...I've been charged with killing hobos.
• Not, like, professors, but real educators.
• Not long ago, barber/surgeon was a career choice.
  

Rejoice! For I have found two months of LBSC0735 notes, and the snide comments thereunto pertaining

• More than a third of the class has one of four first names.
• My email address is on here, which I now point to, because a year ago someone emailed me to tell me they couldn't find my email address on the syllabus. I wept quietly.
• What are the blankets that have sleeves?
• If you're Dan Brown--not that I would wish that on anybody...
• Re RIAA: ...the people what done did the suin'...
• Archivalship? Archivin'!
• Most law review footnotes are not worth your time.
• If society collapses that far, it'll be an issue of avoiding the Mad-Max-style people.
• Remember a couple years ago when we were all killed by SARS?
• If we fail, it will be spectacular.
• Week 4 is where people start showing up in tinfoil hats.
• There's never nothing happening relating to the law and information.
• He wasn't the sharpest bulb in the drawer.
• Enjoy your urban blight!
• I got caught in a scrum, and I was trying to go the other way...so definitely go to the ALA convention, just wear shin guards.
• I guess you could be an anarchist librarian, but how would you order the things?
• Aardvarks aren't edible. There's your band name! Plenty of opportunities for umlauts!
• You can tell by the acronym it was a bad idea.
• I ran out of chalkboards, so it seems like we'll go with five.
• Life without spellcheck is really confusing. I started to write parnats.
• Check the wayback machine; I'm done.
• We don't want to corrupt our children with reality!

Student: People have this bizarre but understandable love for the library.
Teacher: "Bizarre but understandable?" I like that.
Student: "Bizarre" seemed too judgmental.
Teacher: Especially because you're, y'know, here. "I'm here to destroy libraries from within!"

• Anybody get all angrified while you were reading it?
• I know nothing about Star Trek.

Student: There are Nixon deniers?
Teacher: Why not? I have no recollection of him.

• If someone wants to just chug the crumbs out of the bag, that opportunity is available.
• That wasn't the only thing: he also had a neck beard.
• I've left the house several times this week, that hasn't made the news.
• Everything will be okay, so long as Janet Jackson's not involved.
• There's a lot of evil out there, and credit card companies and data aggregators both fall into that category.
• Old Navy! Where are you?!
• I come not to praise Wal-Mart but to bury it.

Student: Note to self: Don't tell [student] anything.
Teacher: There's your privacy issue right there.

• ...pipes, gas lines, mole men...
• Now do you see how it's all fun and exciting and angries up the blood?
• Hectares! That is not a unit of measurement we use enough. Especially in terms of ordering at a restaurant. God, that's the sign Americans' diets are out of control--I'll have a hectare of potato salad, please. Bring a shovel.
• Here it's an antacid; there it's a back hoe.
• Let's obey the laws of physics!
• Yeah, the Nuremberg defense.
• Because Google has to seem threatening.
• The patent office is in the 18th century.
• It's a delightfully terrible idea.
• If you wanted to stage a Beckett play--footnote: why?--but if you did...

Teacher: I forgot two. Damnit! Okay, let's just go on to three.
Class: Profit!
Teacher: What?

Me: I'm not making you read Finnegan's Wake!
Teacher: I've already done that!
Me: Screenshot or it didn't happen.

• That's what that cubby's for! I've always wondered.
• So hypothetically, we'll call it "J.D. Salinger."
• But that doesn't work for shoes. Touche!
• I don't know why I picked Ben Hur. It was the first thing that came to mind.

Student: She was reading an abridged version, where it stops short of Beth dying.
Student 2: Spoiler alert!

• Tom Waits does admittedly sound like no human should.
• ...the annual orphan works bill...
• I don't have a beard, and I don't own any elbow patches! I had a lot of things preventing me from teaching at a law school.
• I can anticipate the moves of Garth Brooks!
• It's a hypothetical dog.
• ...fantastic in its evilness.
• If you can't identify a squiggle, just assume it's positive.
• You can't get more than full credit on the assignment. Stop talking to me.