Lesser of Two Evils

Shari: I don't want to go in there yet because [identity withheld] is in there.
Me: Well, he's still single...
Shari: I wonder why.
Me: ...and you're still single...
Shari: I'd rather... ugh... I'd rather...
Me: Be found half-eaten by cats?
Shari: Yes!

Murse Clean-Out Day

Me: It's such a small bag, and yet I expect you to pull out a lamp and a tape measure that calls you "practically perfect in every way."
Greg: These are reasonable expectations.

A brief conversation

Noah: I'm not sure what to do right now. I mean, all my balls are in the air.
...
Noah: I shouldn't use that phrase anymore, should I.
Greg: I'm glad you recognize that.

Efforting

Brian: That's not a word, and I've heard it before.

Outcomes of Research

Me: I have a new favorite early American choral composer.
Matt: Yeah?
Me: Supply Belcher. I think we should program everything he ever wrote based solely on his name.
Matt: Supply?
Me: Yup.
Matt: His name's Supply.
Me: And Belcher.
Matt: I don't know that we want what he's supplying.

Copyright Duration Funtimes

Singer: When does that go in the public domain?
Me: Durufle? Pfff. Not for a long time. [tickety tickety] 2057.
Singer: What?! How long is the...
Me: Life plus 70 years.
Singer: Good lord. I’m not even going to care about his music by then.
Me: You’ll care about pudding.
Singer: At best.

Highlights from the Dice History panel at PAX East 2013

• I'm of the generation where when I see a woman at a gaming con, I'm like "that is so cool!" I'm also of the generation that when they added the A to D&D it was revolutionary. And the tables made sense!
• How did I get into dice? How are you not into dice? I get confused by people who don't know what a d20 is and don't have piles of dice around the house.
• For those of you who can't tell the difference between comedians and journalists, comedians tell the truth more often.
• Don't let me come between you and your Magic cards.
• on Ezekiel: It is the book Hunter S. Thompson would have written if he were an Old Testament prophet. Someone needs to get the RPG for that going.
• I'm convinced that most Kickstarter projects are just excuses to get 3D printers.
• on dice towers: The only more useless piece of technology, which I also own, is the manual Chinese typewriter.

Highlights from MC Frontalot's PAX East 2013 Banter

• You talk like a JRPG that was translated in Finland.
• Yes, give yourselves some wolf whistles and golf claps.
• That was a little convoluted. That's what happens when you ad lib, everybody.
• Bl4k Lotus, show them what the subwoofers are for.... ahhh...do you hear the darkness?
• That's why I like you guys. Your enthusiasm is indomitable.

On depression in video gaming

Researcher: As a disclaimer, this was collected before Sim City came out, so it did not affect our sample.

Career Progression

Inon Zur: My first real job was as a tank commander in the Israeli army, and then I wrote for Power Rangers--about 200 episodes--and then I scored Klingon Academy.

Indeed

He: You don't have a Texas accent at all.
She: It comes out when I get tarred.

Arms Control

Greg: Apparently over the holidays, Stephanie's boyfriend was going to buy a gun, but the line at Bass Pro was so long he gave up and left.
Me: So he rage-quit buying a gun?
Greg: Yeah.
Me: ...perfect!

Bluegrass Band Banter

Bass player: We do weddings, and Davy's been keeping track of how many optimistic love songs we know.
Guitar player: I have six, and there are four others I know, but I don't know when we'll get to 'em.
Mandolin player: We do have a money-back guarantee.
Guitar player: If you get divorced, we'll play that for free.
Bass player: The songs'll be a lot more appropriate.
Guitar player: I don't know if the show will be any better, but it'll last longer.

On Honey Boo-Boo

Greg: I just can't put in the effort to be horrified.

Managing Expectations

Greg: If you can't get healthy, at least you can amuse your therapist.

From PAX East 2012

Question: Would you rather go without cheese, or oral sex?
Jerry: Like all cheese? How are we fixed for other dairy products?
Mike, very quietly: I would go without oral sex.

This one is from last January, and I keep re-finding it in my phone

Greg: Who ever heard of Buff State University?
Me: Apparently their bodybuilding team is well known.
Greg: Is that a joke?
Me: Yes.
Greg: Thank you for finding it.

The Fourth Estate

Kirsten: Whatever happened to freedom of the press?
Rich: They're stifling dissent!
Me: Yes, the Cape Cod Times is known for that.

Never Knew Me a Better Time

Me: Was "Crocodile Rock" playing in there?
Greg: Yeah.
Me: Oh, good. I was wondering how it got in my head.
Greg: Yes, there was was a reason.
Me: Good. I was afraid I'd gone from zero to "Crocodile Rock" with no provocation.
Greg: Scary!

Wrongness

Me: Did you see the wrong thing I sent you?
DM: Hm?
Me: I sent you a wrong thing.
DM: Oh, you know I love those. How wrong is it?
Me: All the way wrong.
DM: Is it so wrong it backs into right? Because you know sometimes...
Me: Nope, this gets to the center of wrong and just stops dead right there.
DM: Ouch.