What is Truth?

Jake: I don't really buy in to that. Wikipedia says it lacks validity.

Cause of Injury: Office Supplies

Me: And if it doesn’t work, we’ll get bigger binder clips.

Bernie: Ask Gene. He’s got binder clips that’ll take your arm off.

Plan B

Mike B: I think my planning effort should go into an escape route, rather than a congratulatory speech.

Panty hose sizes

Kevin: Queen, EE, Recapitulation, Aubergine.

Pun Reaction

Greg: I knew that was coming.
Kevin: And yet, you did not bake a cake.

Seaweed Beer

Trip: More seaweed!
Toonhead: That wasn't kelpy enough, you bitch!
Trip: Agar! Agar! Agar!

Brickskeller

Me: You're trying to get me drunk!
Greg: No, I'm allowing you to get yourself drunk.

Sondheim

Dave: I didn't even know Company was the name of a show. I've heard of Into the Woods...

Planning

Toonhead: So the puzzle calendar is empty until Con.
Kevin: Well, there's that Strip Sudoku thing in June, but I'm not going.

What is it?

Kevin: Diagnosis: Cooties!

All the same

Dave: I never know if it's Al Pacino or Robert DeNiro.
Greg: Just say it was the guy in Heat.
Dave: That was Val Kilmer.
Greg: What?!

Drunken Rambling

Me: I can has non sequitur?

Shuffle

Greg: Oh, Kenny G.
Me: Why?
Greg: Mistake.

Library Science

Aunt Carol: I usually just go to the library and pick out fluff fiction and leave, but I do have a card in WI and IL, so that makes me somewhat of an intellectual.

Getting Philosophical on the Last Day of Class

Anwar: The last librarian will work for Google.

No Points for Knowing That

IW: “Skechers” is the correct spelling.

Me: Busted!

Baby Brain

Al: This is how your whole life changes. We are now totally focused on poop.

Me: Are you hoping for solid poop?

Al: At this point, anything. We’re not worried about quality.

Protesting Too Much

Me: It sounds like you’re backpedaling a bit there.

Greg: No! No no no. Not at all. I’m not backpedaling. No.

Putting the S in Vignette

I. At the Store
Me: Would you still love me if I spent $160 on shoes, $100 of which were Sketchers?
Greg: *cringe*

II. At Home
Me: These Sketchers are comfortable. I feel dirty.
Greg: Ha-ha.
Me: Do I need cut my feet off, or can I just soak them in bleach?

III. At Home, part 2
Me: I actually like these. I put the S in hypocrite.
Greg: Hypocriste.
Me: Hyspocrite. Hypsocrite. Oh, I like hypsocrite.
Greg: Me, too.

IV. Walking
Me: My heel is starting to hurt. It's these damn Sketchers. They turn on ya.

V. The next day
Me: Check it out--my heel bled through the band-aid.
Greg: Into your new Asics?
Me: Yep. I'm telling you, Sketchers are evil.

Unclear on the Concept

Me: Marco!
Greg: What?