Salt! Salt! Salt!

Mike: Nothing makes me want to destroy humanity more than Parrotheads.

Subbin'

Me: Half this choir is subs. They were reading "Assumpta est Maria"
and had to be told it was for Assumption.
Greg: Well, what did you assume?
Me: I assumed you'd say that, for one thing.

I Do Try

Sammy: You look very serious.
Me: I'm trying to prevent the clarinets from having to play Clarinet Candy, Clarinet Polka, or Fiddle Faddle.
Sammy: A noble cause.

My Obvious Hip Hop Potential

Me: They see me munchin', they hatin', something something something
something eatin' almonds.
Greg: Okay...?

From the organization that brought you "Somebody should update the wiki" comes...

Greg: I thought communication was hard, but apparently I'm awesome at it!

Yet more LBSC0735!

• We replaced everything else we had with Going Rogue; it's all you need.
• If you had a slow connection with baseball, how would you know? They're just standing there either way.
• Stupidity is boundless.
• I suppose this is really overly dorky.
• The T is for terrorism. Wow, that sounds like Sesame Street gone wrong.
• It sounds like fun! And anchovy!
• You don't see doctors throwing paint on each other and screaming "Lucifer."
• Um...hi...I've been charged with killing hobos.
• Not, like, professors, but real educators.
• Not long ago, barber/surgeon was a career choice.
  

Rejoice! For I have found two months of LBSC0735 notes, and the snide comments thereunto pertaining

• More than a third of the class has one of four first names.
• My email address is on here, which I now point to, because a year ago someone emailed me to tell me they couldn't find my email address on the syllabus. I wept quietly.
• What are the blankets that have sleeves?
• If you're Dan Brown--not that I would wish that on anybody...
• Re RIAA: ...the people what done did the suin'...
• Archivalship? Archivin'!
• Most law review footnotes are not worth your time.
• If society collapses that far, it'll be an issue of avoiding the Mad-Max-style people.
• Remember a couple years ago when we were all killed by SARS?
• If we fail, it will be spectacular.
• Week 4 is where people start showing up in tinfoil hats.
• There's never nothing happening relating to the law and information.
• He wasn't the sharpest bulb in the drawer.
• Enjoy your urban blight!
• I got caught in a scrum, and I was trying to go the other way...so definitely go to the ALA convention, just wear shin guards.
• I guess you could be an anarchist librarian, but how would you order the things?
• Aardvarks aren't edible. There's your band name! Plenty of opportunities for umlauts!
• You can tell by the acronym it was a bad idea.
• I ran out of chalkboards, so it seems like we'll go with five.
• Life without spellcheck is really confusing. I started to write parnats.
• Check the wayback machine; I'm done.
• We don't want to corrupt our children with reality!

Student: People have this bizarre but understandable love for the library.
Teacher: "Bizarre but understandable?" I like that.
Student: "Bizarre" seemed too judgmental.
Teacher: Especially because you're, y'know, here. "I'm here to destroy libraries from within!"

• Anybody get all angrified while you were reading it?
• I know nothing about Star Trek.

Student: There are Nixon deniers?
Teacher: Why not? I have no recollection of him.

• If someone wants to just chug the crumbs out of the bag, that opportunity is available.
• That wasn't the only thing: he also had a neck beard.
• I've left the house several times this week, that hasn't made the news.
• Everything will be okay, so long as Janet Jackson's not involved.
• There's a lot of evil out there, and credit card companies and data aggregators both fall into that category.
• Old Navy! Where are you?!
• I come not to praise Wal-Mart but to bury it.

Student: Note to self: Don't tell [student] anything.
Teacher: There's your privacy issue right there.

• ...pipes, gas lines, mole men...
• Now do you see how it's all fun and exciting and angries up the blood?
• Hectares! That is not a unit of measurement we use enough. Especially in terms of ordering at a restaurant. God, that's the sign Americans' diets are out of control--I'll have a hectare of potato salad, please. Bring a shovel.
• Here it's an antacid; there it's a back hoe.
• Let's obey the laws of physics!
• Yeah, the Nuremberg defense.
• Because Google has to seem threatening.
• The patent office is in the 18th century.
• It's a delightfully terrible idea.
• If you wanted to stage a Beckett play--footnote: why?--but if you did...

Teacher: I forgot two. Damnit! Okay, let's just go on to three.
Class: Profit!
Teacher: What?

Me: I'm not making you read Finnegan's Wake!
Teacher: I've already done that!
Me: Screenshot or it didn't happen.

• That's what that cubby's for! I've always wondered.
• So hypothetically, we'll call it "J.D. Salinger."
• But that doesn't work for shoes. Touche!
• I don't know why I picked Ben Hur. It was the first thing that came to mind.

Student: She was reading an abridged version, where it stops short of Beth dying.
Student 2: Spoiler alert!

• Tom Waits does admittedly sound like no human should.
• ...the annual orphan works bill...
• I don't have a beard, and I don't own any elbow patches! I had a lot of things preventing me from teaching at a law school.
• I can anticipate the moves of Garth Brooks!
• It's a hypothetical dog.
• ...fantastic in its evilness.
• If you can't identify a squiggle, just assume it's positive.
• You can't get more than full credit on the assignment. Stop talking to me.
  

Romantic Sunday Morning

Me: *frrrt*
Greg: Pathetic.
Me: Who made you king of the farts?
Greg: Do you really need to ask?

Patois

Greg: Do you want to go to the other Walmart?
Me: Yeah. I hate the fact that you can't check inventory online, but this is better than calling a bunch of Walmarts.
Greg: True.
Me: You'd have to use the local dialect: "Y'all got any a them iPhones?"
Greg: That was pretty good, but you're missing at least two things. You need a hacking cough somewhere in there, and you need to be yelling at kids in the background. "Git off the couch!"
Me: "Stop biting the dog!" *hack hack hack*
Greg: Okay that actually was kind of disturbing.

I Get All My News From Drunk Hulk

Me: Didja hear Al and Tipper Gore are separating?
Greg: No.
Me: Yeah, Drunk Hulk says he's been saying that for years, because humans and robots shouldn't marry.
Greg: Which one's the human and which one's the robot?
Me: Who can say?

Choice Quotes from LBSC0735, December 10, 2009, Which I Apparently Never Posted

• I apologize for the ones that got bent. I had cat issues. She is clearly smarter than I am.
• I would appreciate, if you got an A, that you not complain about your grade.
• Evil trolls? The scheduling fairy? I don't know.
• You should all be eating a rubber chicken dinner and I should be doing a soliloquy.
• Proactive drinking? I'm not sure what that would be besides another band name or memoir title. Or both! Why be limiting?
• The way to handle IP in the archives is to weep quietly in the corner while drinking.
• Okay, I missed something. Or did something stupid and didn't realize it. Two choices, either viable.
• If graduations did mean people bursting into song, wouldn't more people show up?
• My PhD hat is one of those octagonal things, except it has a big poofy bottom, so it's like the 16th-century Dutch navy or something.
  

The Male Flautist: Loud 'n Proud

Me: The oldest Chimes of Liberty you have, which should be Feist from 1922: does it have second flute?
Laura: I don't know!
Me: You don't know that off the top of your head? How embarrassing.
Laura: Hey Rob, the oldest Chimes of Liberty we have, does it have second flute?
Rob: I'm not sure.
Laura: He's not sure.
Me: What the hell kind of flute player is he?
Laura: What kind of flute player are you, she wants to know.
Rob: The kind that plays first.

Brush with Fame

Me: Famous person!
Jonathan Coulton: Famous person!

I understand the reasons why you're hungry 'cuz so am I

Greg: The only question is, what do you want to do for breakfast, lunch, brunch, frunch, d-lunch, d-linner, d-leackfast, d-lightful?

My Hal Leonard contact was also kind enough to point this out today

John: Hello! Carry on! Remember, could be worse, you could be stuck in a windowless room when it's gorgeous out!
Matt: I'm completely sure he didn't need to go there.

Abominable Papercrafts

Me: Did you know there are "print and fold" mascots at vancouver2010.com?
Mike: No I did not, but I so don't want a stylized Canadian first-nations origami yeti in my house. Oh, wait, yes I do.

A Selection of High-Quality Typos So Far This Week

The Way You Loom Tonight
South Rampart Street Pavane
Sleigh Rice

Matt: Y'know, I would like to hear that pavane.

The Art of Conversation

Me: Hello! Would you like to talk about my headache? It's all I can think about.
Shari: My back is killing me.
Me: Would you like to talk about my headache to take your mind off of it?

Lest you think this blog is merely a catalog of stupid crap others say

Me: In my head, a group of children are yelling "thank you, TiVO chicken! Bok bok!"
...
Me: It's like Wil Wheaton. Well, it's like Wil Wheaton dressed as Colonel Sanders.

It's not all fun and games, you know.

Greg: God, this sobriety test is so boring!