Thursdays with Walter, week 9

(I missed weeks 7 and 8, so don't ask me anything about disaster preparedness and recovery.)

Gigs? No, I play for the walls, and they're sorry enough.

People call me the book magnet.

Okay! I'm going to read your midterms out loud and comment on them as I go. None of you did really horribly, which was disappointing. Where are the flunkies?!

Oh, this one is in English. Good!

Some of you made a lot of sense. I was impressed.

This is a class on electronics, isn't it?

It's a waste of time looking. I won't bother. Oh, here it is!

I'm sorry, we can't hire you as investigative reporters.

When you have a good enough infection of preservation that you get the disease, then you start to be like me.

If I had not been watching the World Series, I would've read them with my other eye, too. This is the first time I didn't give any B's. See what baseball does for you?

Is the broadcast archives person here? See? What if she was my only pinch hitter?!

You'd wish it was absinthe.

Ha! This guy was really lit up!

We're saving these stories, and then we have to spend the rest of our lives trying to keep them away from children.

Okay, okay, show us Superman now!

Do you have a library card? Are you a convicted felon?

In this one, the people and the machines are robots.

Well, that's it. Sorry we didn't have popcorn.

No! 1957 was the Milwaukee Braves!

My training for that event was to go out in a school corridor and hide under my coat. A kid's winter coat that you wear for five years without ever laundering? *cough, cough* And if they dropped the bomb, who would care? It'd be an act of mercy!

You put all these bizarre stories together, and it turns out to be the truth!

Do you ever ponder? When's the last time you pondered?

You gotta start writing these names down and start reading stuff! You're culturally deprived!!

Lemon juice on the Constitution? She would've been so fired!

We're all moving way too fast.

Dewey Decimated: it's another story where someone gets murdered with a rare book.

Wherever the Right ends, he was to the right of that.

You're not gonna write this down, because come on.

That's our homage to the Native American

Why, it's the damn Book of Kells--again!

Oh where, oh where has my Book of Kells gone...

You can make your whole family look like they're from Jupiter with a few clicks.

I knew I shouldn't have drank that hearing stopper.

A, we couldn't cover it in five semesters, and B, no one will ever cover it.

If you want to save the forests, don't go there.

Billions of pixels per square nanometer!

I'm a little capture device!

You can't open a jpeg 354 Chrysler engine with a tiff six-cylinder Packard.

It becomes present with lots of little toasters. This is toaster paradise!

Millions of colors! You could go mad!

If you're not interested in this, you won't be interested.

I have two in my office--one for each eye.

That's the Achilles elbow...heel, neck, whatever you want to do.

It's like Lucy Ricardo packing chocolates.

There's a couple of words you don't hear at Yahoo: quality control.

What's your favorite M-word? Metadata!

They are trying to standardize things, because too many things are optional things in the world of thingyness.

Okay, we have Canon, and we have Epson, and let's say it's a new merged company, called Can-Epson. Conniption would be good. And your company is...Lego. It's very colorful and has a lot of components. And yours is the Deutchland Uber Alles, machine, the Hasselblatt. Ah, the Hasselblatt! If I had the money! And if I cared!

We're little federal pea-shooters, and they have cannons in the industry.

You have to really Hasselblatt it to get it there.

They apparently have petabyte servers in their cars.

You can see a huge XML parade!

Machines are profoundly stupid.

I'm from the future.

Isn't it a lot easier to just pick up Dewey Decimated and just read it?

You say that like you mean it: it's fun. I know what kind of fun that is.